It's amazing to think I've already been here a week, as well as thinking it's only been a week. Time somehow has managed to fly and move like molasses simultaneously. Much like this conundrum time has left me in, I feel like spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally, I am pretty torn as well. Working with IC so far truly has been a dream. For those of you who don't know, seeing Invisible Children's Rough Cut was one of the most pivotal moments in my life. It introduced me to some life long friends (Ms. Fisher, McCall, Burns, Peters, and Stambouli) as well as gave my life a sense of purpose it had never really known. Running had introduced me to drive, sacrifice, and commitment, but IC illuminated things like compassion, purpose, and awareness. But with all the good I've seen so far, and how amazing I've felt, last night and today were a bit of a struggle. I'm drained. The work has been hard yes, but I think a lot finally caught up with me last night. IC is very intent on personal growth. To be honest, though I believe in what we are doing, and the direction we are going now as an organization, I do feel like I'm attending personal growth camp right now, instead of working at an NGO. Everyone here is so nice, encouraging, and thoughtful, and as crazy and ridiculous as that sounds, 90% of the time it's wonderful, but 10% of the time I just feel bogged down by it. I'm in a situation where I am CONSTANTLY surrounded by people, 62 others in the same house to be exact, and working like crazy. When we aren't at the office, we are studying, going over our introductions and conclusions, or speaking about a lot of personal stuff to get to know one another intimately in a short amount of time. The environment is quite conducive for deep conversation, and like I said before, 90% of the time that is fantastic, but when I get to that other 10%, I find myself wanting to be selfish, or have alone time, or not wanting space from the person whom I'm supposed to be giving and getting space from back home, because I want the comfort of someone who knows me for faults as well as why IC hired me. It's just a bizarre feeling to be so astounded by an organization, their work, their philosophies, and the humility they instill in you, and still be struggling... but I guess that is human nature. Change is the only constant, but it's something we as humans struggle with and fear the most.
BUT, after writing that, I do want to place some emphasis on how much I love this organization. One super duper awesome positive about working for IC, besides the great community they supply you with, is the emphasis they place on relationships and personal growth. Tonight, after working from 9-5, we stopped first to watch a clip of an MLK speech (which made me very happy), then had a session titled "Investing in Others." The leader of the session was a dude named Jedidiah, whom is the paragon of how to invest in others and create meaningful relationships. In this session we talked about intrinsic and extrinsic goals, watched a documentary about happiness,which spanned multiple continents to find a definition, and dove right into insecurities that harden our hearts and make lasting relationships less attainable. It was absolutely phenomenal, and the fact that this, for some of those lucky enough to be paid, is what work looks like, gives me hope for the future.
The one thing that stuck out to me most, and my ending point, is a question that Jed asked the audience. When you walk into a room of unknown faces, do you think to yourself that you don't belong and maybe your not worthy to be there, or do you see a room full of potential friends with interesting stories, views, and ideas? For me, I'm actively trying to see the later.
Much love and I miss you all back in CO!