Sunday, January 23, 2011

Testing The Water

I am now two weeks removed from CO, living at home, personal space and comfort and I'm starting to feel the magnitude, as well as the effects, of this new excursion. Since leaving home I've been in San Diego living with 62 other people, 9 roommates (not housemates), and working from 9-7 for an organization which I'm very fond of. It's been a really interesting process learning how to live in communion with kids whom I also work with and spend every waking hour, but it for the most part has been great.

This past Thursday and Friday were the first times I've meet true adversity and conflict at my new job, and it has made for interesting soul searching in regards to where the conflict arose. I'm a person who can be pretty hard on myself, and sometimes I forget that I know my heart and intentions when I'm targeted by harsh criticism. It's safe to say the last few days have sucked a bit, but thank God weekends include day trips to beautiful parks overlooking the pacific :) The conclusion I've come to, with the help of a training I took seriously last week, is the necessity to overcome device speech and thought. The thing is, although each person in IC has there own beliefs, values, and personality (and man are there some characters here!), this is one time in our life where those things need to come second to a cause. I want to make some good friends here, and I want to have fun, but the fact is I'm here to help try and end a war. This week I was definitely hurt, and I went to a place of introspection, but in this case, harping on my own discomfort is entirely selfish. Though we are all here for personal growth, that can't come at the expense of those whom we are trying to serve. It's been a struggle dealing with this though, because I know I can be selfless, but I also am fully aware of my propensity for selfishness. I have struggled the last few days with dealing with my anger and hurt, while still being a team player, but I know this is going to be good for me. I've talked with a lot of kids here, and this week has seen people really getting into team dynamics, and exiting the honeymoon stage. It is obviously a difficult step, but it's part of the process of working towards a cohesive team. People are getting real, and though it's necessary, it's not easy. I'm just hoping the house doesn't start to look more like a reality TV show...

I'm here to serve, and as our mission states as roadies, "I've dedicated the next four months of my life to sharing the story of this war," and that is what I'm going to do. Even if it means sucking up my pride, learning to be a little more selfless, experiencing life as a telemarketer (which I'll get into later), I am here for a purpose. I want to succeed, and I want to be able to say this was a feat I accomplished in May when my term ends.
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