Germans are great at telling jokes (the best joke a German ever told): 18 Random facts learned while traveling in Borneo

1.) Germans are, in fact, not good at telling jokes. This truth is only exasperated when stuck in close, inescapable proximity with one who thinks that they are exempt from the truth.

2.) There are 8 species of Hornbill birds in Borneo, but only one is ubiquitous.

3.) Bald Orangutans look incredibly similar to children…it is eerie how similar to a monkey child they look.

4.) When you get the chance to do a solo hike through 12 miles of virgin rainforest, you do it (even if it costs 2 extra dollars.)

5.) The net fun level of a tourist destination decreases exponentially to the amount of rules, regulations, and infrastructure that is set in place. In the same regards, price increases exponentially with said factors.

6.) You can see nearly half of the world’s tallest tree species in Malaysia on the same 800 m stretch of jungle

7.) According to a river guide on the Kinabatangan River, crocodiles in this part of the world only eat Korean tourists.

8.) It isn’t good to pull leeches off your skin. To effectively get rid of leeches, you need to either burn them off, or pinch the skin around them. If not, you’ll end up with a nasty looking mark that may or may not be infected.

9.) Leeches are bastards.

10.) You can find Horchata in Kota Kinabulu. I can’t remember what real Horchata tastes like, but I think what I ingested is pretty damn close.

11.) It is (relatively) OK to use wifi in a hostel in the jungle if it is available. It is NOT OK to get upset when the offered wifi in the jungle isn’t working. You are in the jungle for god sakes, go look at nature.

12.) Hostels in cities often advertise hot water for showers but don’t actually provide it. Hostels in the jungle don’t tell you they have hot water (and it is stinking hot so you don’t want it) but always seem to provide the goods

13.) There are flying snakes in Borneo. Google it.

14.) If you come to Asia and are scared of lizards, you are missing the point of the food chain. Lizards eat mosquitoes. They eat them. Why would you not want them walking on the walls as guards for your slumber from that wretched bread of bloodsuckers we all hate?

15.) Palm oil is bad! Stop using that shiz.

16.) Malaysians love malls…specifically food courts, I think.

17.) Don’t buy anything in Malaysia unless it is on, or comes with, promotion (Google that shit too!).

18.) Bar soap is incredibly difficult to find, as is dry deodorant, in Malaysia.