10 Essential Experiences for becoming a Better Human Being

It's no question the internet has more than its fair share of self-help, list style blogs. Apparently, everyone has an opinion...yet common sense seems to be melting away as fast as the polar ice caps. While no one is perfect, there is a distinct air that surrounds those who make a conscience effort to live an examined life. The truth, of course, being that life should be examined daily. The most interesting individuals, or at least those whom seem to live the happiest and healthiest, are the ones willing to progress with each passing day. So why do I think I have the credentials to give advice, then? Is it my world travels and timely man bun? The answer is I don't have any credentials, but I've had a lot of random experiences. I can tell you with full certainly that the following have shaped me much more than others. Not everyone is willing to deviate from a set path, but hopefully some of these can move you as well.

1.) Working in a retail or service industry job - If I were a tyrannical dictator, or I guess an elected official, I would write into law that every person, regardless of race, gender, or socialeconomic status (SES), should work no less than 3 months in some sort of service industry or retail job. Why? Those who haven't still find it OK to undertip (or not tip at all), while verbally abusing those serving them. Working in customer service is hard, under appreciated, and underpaid, but those who do it learn valuable lessons of how to treat others. While it may be a bit easier to treat a jerk nicely while getting paid, you best believe the first time you have someone dig into you for not adhering to their every need sticks with you. These lessons go far beyond your time in this industry.

2.) Working a minimum wage job - In a similar fashion, the only people who think it is a bad idea to raise minimum wage to a livable standard are those who haven't had to live off of it. Minimum wage is supposed to increase with the inflation in cost of living. If you have ever tried to live off of $7.75 an hour or less, even as a single individual, you quickly realize that this money is not reciprocal to the bills associated with living in a developed country.

3.) Leaving a demeaning situation - For some reason humanity has this notion that prevailing through hardship is the most noble thing we can do. While I'm not saying that hard work and perseverance aren't admirable, what I am saying is that there are certain times when throwing in the towel is the right thing to do. It is a judgement call. There is nothing more gratifying than realizing that your current situation is below you, and you deserve far better. If someone or something isn't recognizing your worth, it is OK to take a step back. If you are being underutilized, underpaid, and demeaned on the daily, you need to walk out the door with haste. 

4.) Deciding to act, instead of complaining - We've all been here. You call your parents or best friend on the phone, describing why a certain situation is awful. You even describe the perfect solution, yet, you remain in the same place. While progress is easier discussed than realized, at some point you need to take action, instead of rehashing the same conversation. The result, though difficult, will shape you permanently. 

5.) Using self-propelled transportation - This especially applies to those in a place they've been for a long time. It is amazing the things we overlook while speeding down a busy road. One simple solution to avoiding the monotony trap is to mix things up. Strap on your roller-skates, fix up that old bike, or even wake up an hour earlier and lace up some comfortable sneakers, to try a self-propelled method to some destination you go on a daily basis. It is amazing what facets of the journey will begin to pop out, even if you thought you knew the trip like the back of your hand. Life is about the little things, and once you start to see this as an action instead of a cliche, you will approach each day with gratitude. 

6.) Go on a date with someone outside of your comfort zone - I've caught some flack for this one in the past, so I want to emphasize the word DATE. If you and your DATE decide to do adult things behind closed doors after, that is your choice (defining your own sexuality should probably be on this list as well...). What I'm really encouraging everyone to do is go on an actual, IRL date. This is an ordinary date, but the kicker is who you go with. Choose someone outside of your own race, age range, SES, neighborhood, state, country, ideology, etc. Believe it or not, while what makes people being so different fun is that we are different, it is surprising how much common ground exists between those from different walks of life. Realizing this commonality bridges gaps our society has dictated for far too long. We have so many mediums now to go on dates, why not expand our narrowly chosen internet search ranges and meet someone truly new?

7.) Offer unconditional love, with no expectation of reciprocation - This could be the hardest item on the list (unless, of course, you are a parent. You guys are ballers). Offering unconditional love is not the same as loving a person. When we fall in love, we do it with a person whom we expect to offer that same level of love back to us. We take them on a date, they make us dinner. We buy them flowers, they surprise us with a movie night. While loving actions make the world go round, what we rarely do is show love to another person with no intention of them paying it back. Though mutual gain is really the answer to a lot of society's problems, offering a small token of free, unrestricted love to any person is a task that will change you for the better. 

8.) Being on a losing team, and fighting until the bitter end - Maybe we can't all identify with a sports/competition reference, but I think the sentiment is understood. At some point, everyone will fail. It can be catastrophic or minuscule, but we all "lose," sooner or later. Some of the time, we know its coming. In these situations, instead of jumping ship at the first sign of bad weather, try taking a page from the captain's log; go down with the ship. It sucks, it hurts, it leaves scars, and it is hard to let go, but with it comes an understanding for true devotion. Those who are willing to commit to something so extremely, even if it will fail or fall, will learn the true meaning of passion. 

9.) Meditate - Meditation doesn't mean absconding from everything and sitting in silence under a tree or in a cave, it means adding conscience action to your daily life. While it can be sitting in silence with crossed legs and directed focus, it can also mean concentrating for a few minutes on a sole action. Meditation reminds us how important each moment is. It reminds us how much weight our actions hold. By adding this to your daily life, the amount of appreciation one has for what awaits them when the alarm clock sounds will increase substantially. 

10.) Do something life affirming regularly - It sounds like a big task, but it's not. Really, I swear it's not. This can be as simple as going to a bathroom on a different floor at work, or driving down a different road on your daily commute. All it takes is a conscience decision to do something as a reminder that you have free will. Do you come home each night and sit on the couch? Why not take a late night bike ride? Do you go to the same restaurant or bar each weekend? Why not find a cheap AirBnb in town or city you've never visited? It doesn't have to cost money, and it doesn't even have to be time consuming, it just has to hold the idea that this is the only life we have, and each day, no matter how similar it may be to its predecessor, is unique and filled with opportunity.

Halloween isn't the only time you should wear a costume

Photos courtesy of the Huffington Post, Shift Gig, Mag Child, and Getty images 

Actual things you NEED to do in your 20s

I’ll be honest, I read a lot of articles on Buzzfeed, Thought Catalog, and other sites about what I should be doing with my 20s. While the amount of articles I've been reading has seen a significant decrease since I quit working a desk job and started traveling, it isn’t to say that I don’t still read them. The internet is a black hole, so a little surfing of Facebook often times finds me distracted from stalking people by reading what they post on the interweb. While all this is fine and well, some of the “advice,” given on these sites is a steaming pile of crap. I’m not gonna lie, I loved Buzzfeed’s video of top 10 trips 20 somethings need to take, but I’ve also read other articles on said website (if you’ve read Buzzfeed, this makes since).

While I’m not saying I know exactly what everyone should do with their life (nor even what I am/should do with mine) I'd like to think I’ve learned a thing or two in the last 6 years of my 20s.

Figure out who YOU are: This could easily be put at the bottom of the list as an all encompassing, feel good way to bring it all together, but it is too important to leave until the end. While the following tips may help in the discovery of oneself, you are the only person who can figure out you. This comes all too easy to some. For those who find it a struggle, you need to make it a priority. The world isn’t waiting on you, and neither are all the humbling situations that remind you that “you,” is still a relative term.

Let go of the past: This is tough one for me. I ‘m a person who overanalyzes most things, and while I’d like to think I can forgive pretty easy, I guess I have a problem with forgetting. This, of course, is a two-way street. That trouble with forgetting also hinders the ability for forgiving and forgetting mistakes I’ve made in the past. Life is too short to let people, places, or past experiences have power over you. People hurt people, that’s the nature of life. While some do it willingly and purposely, others do it on accident. If you are reading this and have a pulse, you've hurt someone. With that being said, you are the only person who can forgive others, forgive yourself, and actually let go. Figure out what you need to do, and do it, because the older you get, the excuse of past hurt for current actions become less and less accepted.

Gain some perspective: If you are in your 20s and you haven’t left your community, that’s OK…it needs to change though. Not everyone is going to quite their job to travel for months (years!) and live out of a backpack in nasty ass dorms and guest houses. While this is my personal choice, that doesn’t mean it is the only way. There are some (semi) valid excuses for not going abroad, but there is no excuse to justify forgoing learning about the lives of people outside of your community. We live in a diverse world with multiple cultures to live in and learn from. Ignorance isn’t bliss; at this point in life you are the only one to blame for knowing only the world you were born in to.

Define what you believe in: I have faith. While my faith is far from the church I grew up in, I’ve spent the better half of my twenties living in a manner that helps me cement my beliefs and values, which, of course, are staples in who I am. While not everyone is going to believe in a deity, everyone should have faith in something. Be it God, your friends, or your family, faith and belief define you as a person.

Learn to laugh at yourself: There are times in life when you need to be serious, but there are also times in life you need to be comfortable being the butt of jokes. I know full well I can be a defensive person, but being on the road has forced me to willfully accept being laughed at…a lot. It is easy to regress to a state of defense when we feel uncomfortable, but this does not, in fact, help anyone. Get laughed at. Make a joke of your faults. Use these situations to help you become more comfortable with the lesser parts of your personality.

Fall in love: I feel like our generation has succumbed to this idea of being with someone, while not actually being with someone. You date, sorta, and spend time together, but have no title. You see each other most nights, you get jealous if other people hit up your not boo, boo on social media, yet you can’t commit. Fuck that, for reals. Fall in love with someone. Fall in love hard. Sure it may not be the person you end up with, and it may hurt like hell when it ends, but it is better than this wishy washy, non-committal crap.

Learn to be comfortable alone: While being in love is fun (or in one of those fake relationships), learning to live solo is a good thing. It can seem like everyone is constantly with friends, or in solid relationships, but this isn’t true…and even if it is, that doesn’t mean you should be too. If you can’t spend time with just yourself in a room, why should someone else be able to?

Do something life affirming RELIGIOUSLY: Yep, you read it right. Do that es on the daily. This doesn’t have to be monumental, just something that reminds you that you are young, alive, and free to engage the world how you choose. Be it breaking your schedule once a day or going cliff diving, a simple action acknowledging the infinite possibilities of a numbered existence needs to be incorporated into your day, everyday. A few of my favorites: riding bikes at night, going someplace new ALONE, having a random conversation, dropping my number to someone even if I don’t expect them to call.

Be grateful: There is something good in your life, always. On top of that, somewhere, at some point, someone put you ahead of their own well being to make sure you didn’t die. This is a blessing. Having a roof over your head, food on your table, and some sort of prospect for the future (even if it’s a slim one); these are blessings. Don’t take this for granted. Once you start showing some gratitude for what you already have, you’ll be surprised at what other novelties start coming your way.

Stop giving a PH fuck: People spend a lot of time worrying about what others think. When I say people I mean me. Or more so, meant me. I’ve been a worrier for years, and while I’m decent at doing what I want (26, do what I want!), it hasn’t always been the case. Life is too short to go through the motions, and wayyyy too short to not tell the people in your life how you feel about them. Pursue your dreams, drop the L bomb to the people who you feel it for, and metaphorically empty the recycle bin of those not willing to stand behind you when you make the jump.

Make healthy choices: Everybody has the ability to be relatively healthy. One person may be a marathoner and the other has trouble walk-running a mile, but that doesn’t mean walk-runner should stop. Being healthy is a privilege, not a right. We need to exercise, that is a given, but health, my friends, isn’t all about being active. When I say make healthy choices, I mean stop drinking and smoking. I mean get some solid sleep. I mean stop eating all that shitty food. What I mean is, we are humans, we all have vices. There ain’t nothing wrong with occasionally, moderately imbibing in things that aren’t the best for our bodies, but that holds true only if YOU’VE PUT IN THE GROUNDWORK TO DESERVE IT. The things we do to our body today WILL in fact, help or hurt us tomorrow. I saw a friend from where I grew up post a status along the lines of, “giving myself the best b-day gift of all; getting in shape to run a 5-k.” While running may not be this dudes cup of tea, he acknowledge that getting healthy is the best gift he can give himself. That, my friends, is inspiring.

Live with intention: Anyone who grew up Jesuit is probably cringing at this, but the truth is they got some things right. Whatever you are doing, do it to your best ability. If you are waking up just to half-ass work, school, or your relationships, why are you waking up at all?

Be happy: It has been said many times but I’ll reiterate it; happiness isn’t a destination, it is a mentality. Sometimes life sucks, shitty things happen, and then you stub your toe. This scenario happens all too often, but it doesn’t mean you need to be miserable. Once you decide to be happy, it is hard not to be. You are going to have off days, ups and downs, and your smooth footing, at points, will start to resemble the Rockies, but like my Dad’s old records used to state, “ Mamma always told me, there’d be days like.” That’s life. Do what it takes to be happy. Do it for yourself, and if that isn’t good enough, do it for the people who love you, the people who have sacrificed for you, or even just the people you come in contact with everyday. We may not all grow up to be Gandhi, but our happiness will absolutely facilitate positive effects on our immediate community.


Photo courtesy of author, edited with Instagram