Ah India, breath it in. Well, don’t breath
in too deep, unless you want to inhale an amalgamate of cow excrement, exhaust fumes, and
intoxicating splendors of the tongue. While India has a seemingly infinite
array of places to go and attractions to visit, the truth is that not everything
goes forth as planned. While the list of essential experiences in India is ever
expanding, there are, of course, inevitable less-than-stellar situations one will face.
Alas, with travel being an exercise in exorcising judgment, here is a list of
11 experiences you are bound to have while in India that may test your
patience.
1.)
Stepping in cow pies – Cows are
literally roaming free everywhere in India. Even if you aren’t a big beef fan,
by the end of your trip you’ll find yourself engrossed with these massive,
majestic creatures. The only down side is the amount of excrement the behemoths
can create. For those who aren’t aware of where they walk, a foot in shit is
definitely in your future. Don’t worry, though, it happens to everyone. In
fact, most people see it as a sigh of good luck!
2.)
Being gored by a seemingly shanti
cow – While most the cows are pretty calm and
sweet, some of them get annoyed with being touched, slapped, and almost killed
by Indian helicopters (rickshaws) on the daily. Ergo, if you mess with the
bull, be prepared to get the horns. Just try and make sure you aren’t the one
in close enough proximity to be on the receiving end of a powerful head butt.
3.)
Getting clipped by a vehicle cruising through narrow streets – Using a general word like “vehicle,” is the only way to describe all
the things that can kill you on Indian streets. Be it a motorbike, car, jeep,
rickshaw, human rickshaw, bicycle, or a stampede of goats, if you don’t get out
of the way, you are going to feel the pain. Your best bet is to stay your
course and let the conductor of the vehicle weave around you.
4.)
Involuntarily participating in a large scale scam- While some of the occurrences on this list are easy to laugh off, this
one unfortunately is not. In many parts of India (mostly large cities) large
scale scams are created to extort money from tourists. The scam starts with a
taxi driver, but usually involves friends placed throughout the city, at
hotels, restaurants, and even tourist attractions. Most of the time you end up
being taken to a fake destination, or told your hotel has been burned down or
closed. In any light, these scams pry on the naïve and the caring, and end up
costing most people their Indian innocence.
5.)
Being lied directly to your face- I’ve
been told that maybe fibs mean different things in different cultures, but in
many parts of India, they are words which local people say to foreigners. I’m
not saying all Indians are liars, but those who interact with tourists seem to
have no problem saying something that is absolutely untrue directly to your face.
6.)
Getting hustled by a “holy man” – If a
person wants give you tika on your
forehead or pray for your family at a holy site, it’s gonna cost you. Be
prepared to decline their offer or else dish out a tip you think is fare (which
will be scoffed at).
7.)
“Dehli Belly” – …it happens to all of
us. Here’s to hoping you are in a nice hotel with a bucket and western toilet!
8.)
Paying western prices for handmade clothing – This is particular to Rajisthan, but can occur anywhere. India is
known for its clothing. Travelers can find fantastic handmade garments for next
to nothing. You can even have these clothes tailor made. With that being said,
tailors know what their work goes for in the west, so unless you are ready to
put on your bargaining face, you may have better luck getting fitted for that
fancy suite elsewhere.
9.)
Taking a rickshaw to the wrong destination and being left – Rickshaw drivers can be dicks. They also don’t care about you or
your destination. These ingredients can and will add up to you paying to be
taken far away from the destination you are hoping to visit.
10.) Drinking a bang lassie
without realizing what a bang lassie actually is - :)
11.) Having your heart torn out
by street children – For most visitors to India,
experiencing extreme poverty is one of the toughest aspects of the trip. The street children
seem to know this, milking it to the fullest. Even a stern, cold ass honky like
myself has trouble trying to avoid a group of street children. Be prepared for these adorable
youngsters trying to hustle you. Just remember, giving money only encourages kids
to leave school. As hard as it is to say no, it really is better for the
children’s future.
Hopefully getting passed these situations
doesn’t deter you from a visit to India. It may not all be fun and games, but
if you are willing to sift through the bad, the good is incredible!
